Otherwise entitled, ‘A Short Story About Grapes.  Or…uh…A Single Grape.’

I’ve come to learn over the years that being sick tends to do REALLY weird things to my brain.  Tonight offers a shining example, as I just spent five minutes giggling irrationally because I suddenly felt an all-encompassing need to know precisely how many calories a single grape has.  Aaaaand it…only went downhill from there when I typed my question into Google.

Not exactly surprisingly, it turns out a few other people wanted the mystery of singular grape nutrition solved, but in the quest to hopefully give a satisfactory answer, one helpful individual decided to take the question to new and extremely specific heights.  Naturally, this only served to drive me further into the throes of nonsensical hilarity.  “What color, size, and type?”  “Where’s it from?”  “Is it chemically treated?”  “Is it peeled?”  “Will you be eating more than one?”

And then of course there were the smartasses and disbelieving philistines, with their comments of “Does it REALLY matter?” and “Go ask a grape” and “ONE? ONE?! You’re planning on eating just ONE?!”, with the crowning point being “Why do you need to ask? Grapes are healthy! Now grape SKITTLES on the other hand…”  As you can probably already guess, none of that particularly helped towards calming me down.

And the thing that REALLY got me, causing me to completely lose my shit?  That was just imagining the owner of the computer, a tiny adorable old lady, going onto Google later on and starting to type something in, only to find that someone in her household had been searching for the answer to how many calories a single grape contains.

…

And, for the record…the answer is about three calories.

okashido:

mitunla:

sticler:

sassy-gay-dust:

omg what if we named animals after the sound they make like in pokemon

“take the bark for a walk”

“hey could you feed the meows”

“hey look at all those moos”

woah thats one big PPFKEJGKRTLYKTPLFPLPTLTPPLLF

wow look at that fluffy CLUCK CLUCK.

“The fuck do we call this…”

‘Aww, look at that little glub-glub! :D’

(Source: soclest)

Number nineteen of twenty-five completed music box renditions, and it’s a rather long one!  I don’t even remember how I originally came across this song (I think on Pandora?), but I liked it enough to actually buy the sheet music at some point.  So, of course music box-ification was going to end up happening.  I didn’t really add much to the song, save for the odd glissando and going down one or two octaves on certain parts (so as to avoid super high-pitched terribleness), though I’m pretty sure I messed up the ending somehow.  And, as I’ve somehow also lost the original midi files, I’m…not going to be able to fix that anytime soon.  I think it still sounds all right, though, so…no big loss, I guess?

Once Upon a Time
by Michael Dulin (minor modifications by BBQ Goldfish)

No lyrics!  Piano piece again.

Next up will be ‘Hymn to Hope’.

Previous music box melodies:
Shenandoah
Come in from the Firefly Darkness
Away from the Roll of the Sea
How Can I Keep From Singing?
Jeannette Isabella
Memory
Chanterelle’s Song
Treasure Trove Cove
Midna’s Desperation
Kakariko Village
Cancer
Dansi Na Kuimba
Minka
The Sunlit Garden
Island of Pearl
Showtime
Rising Sun
Caramelldansen

Eighteenth of twenty-five completed music box renditions.  I couldn’t resist making this one.  I just couldn’t.

Caramelldansen
by Caramell, arranged by Papospapos, and with minor modifications by BBQ Goldfish

Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med
Armarna upp nu ska ni få se
Kom igen
Vem som helst kan vara med

Så rör på era fötter
Oa-a-a
Och vicka era höfter
O-la-la-la
Gör som vi
Till denna melodi

Oa-oa-oo

Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen

O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa

Det blir en at överallt förstås
På fester kommer alla att släa loss
Kom igen
Nu tar vi stegen om igen

Så rör på era fötter
Oa-a-a
Och vicka era höfter
O-la-la-la
Gör som vi
Till denna melodi

Så kom och

Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen

Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen

O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa
O-o-oa-oa

Så kom och

Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen

Dansa med oss
Klappa era händer
Gör som vi gör
Ta några steg åt vänster
Lyssna och lär
Missa inte chansen
Nu är vi här med
Caramelldansen

Next up will be either ‘Hymn to Hope’ or ‘Once Upon a Time’.  I haven’t decided yet.  So I guess I’ll entrust the decision to either a coin toss or the first person who tells me which one they’d rather hear first.

Previous music box melodies:
Shenandoah
Come in from the Firefly Darkness
Away from the Roll of the Sea
How Can I Keep From Singing?
Jeannette Isabella
Memory
Chanterelle’s Song
Treasure Trove Cove
Midna’s Desperation
Kakariko Village
Cancer
Dansi Na Kuimba
Minka
The Sunlit Garden
Island of Pearl
Showtime
Rising Sun

Number seventeen of twenty-five music box renditions.  Took me long enough to post the damn thing, geez.  I guess I’ll post number eighteen right after this, to make up for it???

Rising Sun (from Breath of Mana)
composed by Kenji Ito, transcribed by Delldongo

No lyrics, once again.  Music box-ifying piano songs sure saves me a lot of copypasta effort.

Next up will be a random song out of the handful I haven’t yet posted.  WHOO, SURPRISES~

Previous music box melodies:
Shenandoah
Come in from the Firefly Darkness
Away from the Roll of the Sea
How Can I Keep From Singing?
Jeannette Isabella
Memory
Chanterelle’s Song
Treasure Trove Cove
Midna’s Desperation
Kakariko Village
Cancer
Dansi Na Kuimba
Minka
The Sunlit Garden
Island of Pearl
Showtime

Oh, boy, I sure do love losing two hours of work just because Goldwave doesn’t know how to UNDO AFTER SAVING.  *EPIC SARCASM*

That is the shittiest and stupidest fucking feature I have ever come across, and I am even more pissed off because it’s the best sound-editing software I’ve FOUND, so I can’t even just STOP USING IT OUT OF SPITE.

NRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

</complaining>

That awkward moment when you’re trying to make a script for a nice and doable five-page comic and you whip out a fucking seven chapter monstrosity instead.

fate-hates-faraday:

So I’m sorta doing a sporking of “My Inner Life”, an infamous LoZ fanfic, to get used to some new characters I have (don’t plan on posting it later, it’s purely for self-satisfaction). I was doing a couple jokes about the timeskip stuff, when I noticed something.

• Jenna says she became a…

It’s been a while since the original post was made, but it’s relevant to my current side project, so I’m reblogging it anyway.

The something being missed is the fact that the writer (Link’s Queen) didn’t understand logic or how time works, and also didn’t stick to the canon ages.  …At ALL.

Jenna first starts her work as a traveling merchant and visits Hyrule at fourteen, going on to return each year for six consecutive years, always in time for the Spring Festival.  There are also two additional years in which she does NOT go to Hyrule, because Zelda sent word that some evil stuff was going on.  This is kind of unclear, because this fic sucked at anything involving clarity.  So Jenna’s actually around 22 when everything starts.

The fun part, though, is how she’s 20 when Ganondorf actually puts his plans in motion (hence the evil stuff Zelda mentioned).  For further clarity, let me rephrase that:  Jenna is TWENTY when KID LINK obtains the Master Sword.  And while seven years pass in Hyrule (with Link stuck in the Sacred Realm), only two years are passing in the rest of the world.  SOMEHOW.

It gets worse, though.  Zelda is stated to have been four years younger than Jenna - so she WAS ten when they first met each other.  But the events of Ocarina of Time don’t happen right away!  No,  those six years of Jenna visiting Hyrule to become everyone’s favorite (for some reason) pass first, and THEN the events of Ocarina of Time start.  Which makes Zelda SIXTEEN when she and Link first meet.  (We can also safely assume that Link is anywhere between fourteen and sixteen at this point.  Ugh.)  Given that seven years passed for her, she indeed should have only been a year older than Jenna, at 23 years old.  But to keep on tacking on inconsistencies, Jenna states that when she finally saw Zelda again, Zelda was FOUR years older than her, meaning she’s apparently 26!

So, apparently the writer accidentally added both the two years and seven years of passing time (both inside and outside Hyrule) to Zelda’s age.  But there’s still that additional year added on to Zelda’s age for no apparent reason.  It’s like the writer forgot that going from four years younger to four years older than someone else generally does not equal the seven years necessary for passing Hyrule time, and instead equals the total of eight years we have here.  I guess she figured, HELL!  Why not add on eight years instead of seven, no one will notice!  (And yet everyone did.)

Amusingly enough, Jenna also states that Link is the same age as her, when according to her own brand of logic, he should actually be anywhere between two to four years older than her.

If the writer had stuck with the canon ages - specifically, the ages that Zelda and Link were at the END of those seven years (it’s safe to say they’re both around seventeen) - yet still applied ALL of the time shenanigans…Jenna would have had to start traveling as a merchant at about five years old.  She meets one-year-old Zelda, six years pass, Ganondorf takes over, two years pass normally everywhere but Hyrule (in which seven years pass), and then suddenly - somehow - Zelda is an additional three years older than Jenna.  So while Zelda is seventeen, Jenna is THIRTEEN.  But since this makes even LESS sense than what’s actually in the fic, let’s try something else.

Had everything been kept normal and canon, with no time shenanigans (i.e. seven years time passes everywhere), and Jenna still being four years older than Zelda, then the end result would be Jenna being 21, and Link and Zelda being 17.  But to include the six years Jenna knew Zelda, she’d have had to start her traveling at eight, and also I guess having the Mary-Sue be a whole four years older than Link just seems kinda skeevy?  (Like that should even matter in a medieval fantasy setting…?)

Similarly, if she’d gone with the ages they’d actually started at - around ten (with Jenna being 14) - when the events of Ocarina of Time began, and still had only two years pass in the rest of the world while seven years pass in Hyrule, then while both Link and Zelda would be 17, Jenna would be 16.  Which, as far as ages for couples are concerned, is…really a lot more accurate for the whole ‘medieval fantasy setting’ thing.  Sure, Jenna would have (again) needed to become a traveling merchant at eight, but it also would have made it a lot more believable for why she and Zelda are even friends, and also why she’s seen as part of the Royal Family; if Zelda had been four at the time of meeting her, she could have very well seen her as a sort of ‘big sister’ during her visits.  Let’s also consider Jenna’s parents (who supposedly died when she was young) - if she traveled along with them at first, and they were familiar with the King (perhaps by trading with or selling to him, as well as showing him rare goods the way Jenna does in the actual fic), then it stands to reason that once they died and she was left to continue their business, he might have felt responsible for her happiness and well-being, especially considering that his daughter sees her as a sister.  Not only that, but here’s this really young child trying her best to travel across a dangerous world and sell her wares because it reminds her of how things were with her parents - this is a kid who could really use some guidance in her life.  …Unfortunately, this still has the problem of ‘time not making sense’.

What Link’s Queen SHOULD have done was just make Jenna the same age as both Link and Zelda, have Jenna and Zelda meet at age four while Jenna’s parents are selling stuff to the King, Zelda starts seeing Jenna as a sister/friend in the few months while she’s still in Hyrule, and somewhere in the following six years have Jenna’s parents die and Jenna continue her traveling merchant business, and then have the King feel responsible for her well-being from that point on.  Add in some proper character interaction and reasons for why Jenna’s so likeable and BAM!  Already it’s slightly less infuriating as to why she’s considered a part of the Royal Family.  Then when Ganondorf gets involved, we could have a couple months where Jenna worries about not having any contact with Zelda, then have the remaining time of those seven years spent with her trying to track her down like she SHOULD HAVE FROM THE START.  And since that would obviously cut into her time as a merchant, or interrupt it entirely, it also makes her quitting at the drop of a hat a lot less STUPID.  I could go on with things to make the story better and more believable, and less annoying to anyone who might come across it, but this is already kind of a long ramble.

To summarize, ‘My Inner Life’ is a really shitty fanfiction and makes no legitimate sense.  I guess that’s why it’s so fun to pick apart.